Time is all we have
Realizing there's only 4,000 weeks in a life, reckoning with daylight savings, etc.
I want to thank everyone for downloading The Ultimate Anti-Resolution Guide.
The prompts hit different for me this year. That makes sense because my world (our world) is different.
My word for describing 2022 was balance. And my theme for 2023 is strengthen and fortify. What about you?
I chose to set themes for the year rather than resolutions because themes seem more inviting and less brutal.
Themes are open paths I can skate on. Resolutions are steel rails. Too rigid, too easy to crash.
The Anti-Resolution Guide is my answer to all that noise and pressure to succeed, a safe place on paper to connect the dreaming with the doing.
What I’ve been up to
I’ve been reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals and The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever.
And I’m listening to dj100proof’s new mix for the season.
A message that keeps repeating for me?
Time is absolutely a construct.
Yet time is all we have.
The days are longer now since the last time I wrote, and because of that I have more space to think, imagine, and/or stress myself out about the future.
Spring brought a lot of changes in my work life: new and bigger responsibilities, new humans to consider, and of course the ever-looming economic crisis.
Wrapped around the work stuff there are also health matters, travel planning, money-saving dilemmas, friends becoming parents, parents becoming friends, and friends turning forty.
There’s something so painfully and beautifully “adult” about this. And the change feels like it happened overnight because of the pandemic time warp.
I continue to feel resistance. Longing for the creative spirit and youthful ignorance of my late 20s while overlooking the depression and avoidance that came along with it.
Why does my need for stability, predictability, and control bother me so much?
I think it’s the fear that I’m not too special or exceptional after all.
It’s the fear that, despite my efforts to make a notable mark on the world with my talents, all I really want at the end of the day is to be comfortable and at home.
The tradeoff is that my life looks much different now than what I envisioned five years ago. It is 100% for the better, but I still grieve my old self-image every once in a while.
I distract myself from this grief with social media and pet projects. Tik-Tok explainers in one hand and an HBS Online course in the other.
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I feel like I know what I’m doing and at the same time there’s so much I have no clue about.
What I do know for sure is that I must keep creating. I’m seriously thinking of using AI to complete my long-unfinished EP2.
A few more things I’m working on:
Trying not to see life as so binary, good vs. bad, but rather as an integrated and emergent process. I am always discovering and rediscovering.
Slowly clawing back my creative spirit: editing a podcast, writing this newsletter, daydreaming about content I’ll never post, watching Boiler Room sets, and playing underground radio.
Allowing myself to keep learning and make mistakes without judgment. I’m still not perfect (read: I’m impulsive) with my money. I still can’t stick to the serving size on the back of the package. I still avoid difficult conversations like the plague, though I’m getting better. That doesn’t make me a better or worse person.
Enjoying the ride. Allowing it to be fun. My mantra last week was “make it fun,” but then I remembered it’s not something I should wrestle into submission.
Acting from the identity I want to embody. For example, If I want to be a person who is deeply connected, I’ll reach out to people early and often and bring my whole self to the conversation. This is admittedly tough for me.
What about you?
Liked and Followed
This interview with Abbott Elementary’s Janelle James.
How to choose sanity, now.
Thank you. No no no really, thank you.
Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
JP
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Thanks for sharing and offering your light. <3 <3 <3